


How Harry Potter Died!

by elvirakitties



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 15:54:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvirakitties/pseuds/elvirakitties
Summary: How the Battle of Hogwarts might have happened and the aftermath.





	How Harry Potter Died!

"Why must we do this every June? Does it really take you a whole year to figure out how to stage these stupid yearly dramas?" Harry sighed. "I know, it's because you care about my education even though I finished Hogwarts four years ago."

"Potter, I'm going to kill you slowly." 

"Yes, yes, I know the routine. I do have a question. Do you watch muggle movies? You seem to use the same times and basic routine they do. The bad guy says they are going to kill whoever and then goes into detail about his great plans. You are always doing that." 

"I'm going to remove each of your organs one at a time while you are alive." Voldemort glared at Potter. "I'm going to make it last for decades."

"Promises, promises. I have been listening to you promise my death for over a decade. I'm still here." Harry tilted his head. "Has anyone ever wondered if you were really a girl?"

Voldemort looked fronted. "What? A girl?" 

"Yes, you had a diary, a tiara, a special cup, and Nagani who is in love with you as you are with her. We won't be discussing the obsession with a certain person who has a famous scar on his forehead." Those listening laughed while the Death Eaters raised their wands threateningly. "Where is the future jacket with matching shoes and belt?" 

"I'm going to make you pay for that. Nagani would love a new plaything. You would fit that role, perfectly." 

"It's time for all you filthy mudbloods and half-bloods to pay." Draco yelled from next to Lucius. Lucius smacked Draco on the back of his head. 

"Voldemort, the only half-blood who's hypocritical enough to try and end the muggle, half-blood, and muggleborn race while ruling the pure-bloods with an iron fist....am I missing anything in the policy?" Harry could see that Lucius had a hand over Draco's mouth. 

Voldemort started firing spells at Harry. "You die now, Potter."

"Promises, promises." Harry dodged a bit as he ran to avoid the variety of spells aiming to remove him from the plane of existence. The battle was on.

_________________________________________

"He's dead. Harry won. You-Know-Who is dead." Neville yelled from the steps of Hogwarts. The fighting stopped as all slowly realized what they heard. There were sounds of apparitions as Death Eaters disappeared and the Aurors on the battlefield started to arrest the remaining Death Eaters before they disappeared.

_______________________________________________

Severus peeked through the window on the door to the infirmary. Everyone was sleeping. He entered the infirmary and headed to the bed that Harry usually stayed in when he was ill. He stopped by the potion cabinet to check supplies. The shelf that held the Dreamless Sleep vials was empty. He should have known Poppy would have given everyone a dose of the potion. He cursed as he looked at Harry. 

Severus pulled out Harry's Invisibility Cloak, his potion pouch, and a wrapped item out of his endless pouch. He placed his pouch by the potion cabinet after removing the potions he needed. He placed the wrapped item by Harry. He laid the cloak Harry, lifted him up, carried to a spot by the door that no one would stand near if anyone entered the infirmary before he was finished. He opened the package and placed the doll on the bed. He poured the potion over the doll, watching the potion being absorbed as it grew to resemble Harry Potter. When the doll was finished, Severus added two more potions. One that would make the doll appear human and another that would show the removal of Horcrux and injuries from the battle killed Harry. He waited for several minutes before returning to the potion cabinet. He began to fill the cabinet. 

Severus didn't have to wait long before Poppy began making her rounds. He heard a gasp and a quiet thud. He turned and saw Minerva was with Poppy and she had dropped her book. "Ladies?" 

"He's dead." Poppy ran the scan twice. "He died from the Horcrux and the battle. There is a bit of that nasty snake of You Know Who in him."

Severus walked over to join them. Poppy handed him her scans. He reviewed the scans and was impressed by his own skills. "Should I summon the Aurors?"

"Yes, yes, that would be a good idea, Severus. I am afraid of what will happen once it's released. There have been parties all over the United Kingdom since the news broke about You Know Who's death." Minerva still looked a bit pale from the news. "I even forbid his friends from visiting him last night. I told them he needed to rest." 

"As did I." Poppy didn't feel guilty for it. It was her normal policy. "He needed the rest. I ran a scan on him last night and it appeared fine." She took the scans back from Severus. "I remember how slow her poison was when she bit Arthur. I should have checked for it."

"No one would have thought to check." Severus had been relying on them not checking for this plan to work. Severus went to the fireplace. He tossed in some floo powder and called the Auror Department. Severus spent several more hours at Hogwarts. He dealt with those grieving as well as required legal work regarding Harry's death. 

__________________________________________________

 

Harry groaned as he woke. "Here." Harry turned his head toward the voice. Harry smelled coffee. "I also have a pain potion for you." 

Harry opened his eyes. Everything was blurry. It had been getting worse as he aged. His relatives lack in buying him proper eyeglasses made his eyesight much worse. "Where are my glasses?" He felt the pain potion vial placed into his hand. 

"I'm not sure. Severus didn't bring them. I don't believe he remembered to retrieve them from Poppy."

"Where is he?" Harry drank the potion. "Still as nasty as ever." 

"In the shower. He woke up about an hour ago." 

Harry knew he was in their master bedroom at Peverell Castle. He was sitting on his own bed. "When do we leave?" 

"Tonight. We fly out of London. Our flight is at nine. I have everything packed and ready to go." 

"Not Severus' black tailored trousers, I hope." Harry liked to watch the view of Severus when he walked in front of him wearing those trousers. 

"He better not. If I'm going to be on an airplane, I want to be comfortable and jeans will not do." Severus only wore jeans when he went out at night when he wanted to blend in with the muggles.

"We are aware. Did you happen to retrieve Harry's glasses? If not, I can research a spell to assist with his sight until such a time you can brew the required potion." 

"I didn't. I had hoped to be able to find the time to brew it during the year but I had a lot of work I had to do over the year." Severus found the tailored black trousers, a white cotton dress shirt, a deep green vest, as well as his favorite boots ready for him. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome. Harry, your clothes are in your wardrobe as well. Yes, it's black jeans." 

"Thank you. I think everyone was doing three or four jobs since Minerva couldn't hire anyone to replace all the people that quit after Dumbledore's died. Granger also had anyone in the Order teaching Defense almost every night."

"Yes, Granger and her ideas." Severus had wanted to curse the girl a few different times. 

"Let Harry shower and we can go out for lunch. I know which books might have the spell for helping Harry. It shouldn't take me long to find it." 

"I'm starving." Harry got out of bed. 

"I'll help you once I finish dressing. We could always take him on board the plane in his Animagi form." Severus pulled Harry close to him. Harry had almost banged his leg against one of the tables in the room. "Table." 

"Thanks. However, I'm sure planes wouldn't allow you to bring a leopard on board." Harry let Severus guide him to the door of the bathroom. "We could use my being blind as a bat to get through the lines and onto the plane faster." Once Severus let go of him, Harry turned to face the two men in his life. "It still beats your forms, Mr. Mountain Hare and Mr. Pit Viper." Harry closed the door before they could respond.

__________________________________________________________________________

 

The three of them were boarding the plane when one of the airline stewardesses said to the other. "You know that tall man looks like Ralph Fiennes."

"He does. It could be him. He is English." 

"The three of men are hot. I'm glad I have the first class section on this flight. It's just a shame it is a night flight to Tokyo."


End file.
